I’ve always been a guys girl. My whole life I’ve gotten along effortlessly with boys. Girl relationships were more of a challenge for me. I’ve always had a lot of girlfriends, but I generally felt a more natural bond with guys. I think this is because I spent my life moving every couple of years. I’ll paint a brief picture of what I mean when I say I was always on the move.
- I was born in Kansas City and lived in Overland Park, Kansas until I was 2 years old
- Then my dad, mom, and I packed up and moved to Pennsylvania
- Avery and then Ashbey came along – we lived in 3 different houses in PA
- I think we moved to Arizona next. Avery fell in the pool and almost drowned and I put my hand on a cactus the first day we saw our new house. We left 6 months later.
- Next stop: Simsbury, Connecticut. This is where my l.ittle man, Archer, was born
- We lived in CT for a couple of years in 2 different houses, but eventually, it was time to call the moving guys. Off to Mason, Ohio
- We unpacked our boxes at our new Chestnut Hill house and I quickly started middle school in OH at the largest public school I’ve ever been to.
- High school rolled around and it was time to relocate: Minnetonka, Minnesota
- 3 houses later and it was my turn to decide where I wanted to head to next. It wasn’t natural for me to stay in MN, I had already been there for three years. I almost went back to Ohio but tried something new: Columbia, Missouri.
- After being at Mizzou for 2 years, I figured it was time to try something new. So, I moved to Seville, Spain for 5.5 months. (This time I only had to pack up 2.5 suitcases, since this time I knew I’d be back in Missouri)
- After college, I started looking at major cities across the US. San Fran, Chicago, and New York City. On January 3rd, I moved to New York.
I was always the new kid.
I didn’t mind it because I’ve always been outgoing and love being around people. But, each place I’d go, the girls already had their set group of friends and they didn’t know what the word “inclusive” meant. It was cool to not include people.
So I was naturally attracted to friendships with guys, for a variety of reasons.
- Communication with them was easier and natural for me
- They give me space
- Guys don’t need to be talking 24/7. My guy friends in Ohio would just call and we’d do something and it was chill. No annoying group texts.
- The guys were so so much more forgiving and accepting. Being the new girl, you get judged more than everyone else. I had to become the master of first impressions. And back then, it was always easier with guys.
- No bitching behind my back. No betrayal
- I always have fun with the guys. Fishing, biking, boating tailgating football games, target shooting, drinking, riding in the Jeep (Grant Davis), etc.
The ratio of guy to girl friendships was generally 4:1. I’ve always been the type of girl who needs to have a few close girlfriends, but I’m not someone who has a 20 person close friend group. I was also just never a “friend group” gal. I didn’t want to limit myself to one group, but rather be friends with whomever, from any group.
When I moved to NYC, the ratio flipped. I have lots of amazing girlfriends and one guy friend in the city (Timmmmy!). Life is significantly different after high school and college.
Women support women much more frequently in the real world. Relationships are healthy. I know my girlfriends aren’t talking badly about me because if it’s not a good friendship, why bother with it. We’re way too busy now! If I piss Jackie off she straight up tells me and we move on and it becomes a joke later on. If one of the girls doesn’t look good in a dress or lipstick, we tell each other. If I need my space, I vocalize that and everyone understands.
Maturity is a beautiful thing.
Being inclusive is sexy.
If you like someone, show it. If it looks like someone is left out, pull them in. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known them for 2 minutes, 2 months or 20 years. Also, just because you’ve been friends with someone for 20 years, doesn’t mean you have to be for 21. People grow and change. Strength and growth only come through continuous effort and struggle. So, keep trying new things, keep meeting new people, keep facing your fears, and never ever think there’s no need to meet anyone else.
Girls can be friends with guys. Guys can be friends with girls. And I believe everyone should have a mix of both. C’mon it’s 2018.