life

An Open Letter to my little sister

Hey Ash,

Its Friday morning, June 17. I’m off work today and you’ve been missing for 4 days now. I think (I hope) you’re somewhere in Minnesota. I hope that place isn’t too far from home. I hope you’re not scared.

What are you feeling?

You called me Monday night to tell me counseling didn’t go too great. Family counseling is difficult, I understand you must of been feeling down and at the same time confused. You told me your arms were healing and I smiled. Because I was proud of you. Your voice was monotone throughout our one minute conversation. I was pacing back and forth in the living room right in front of the TV. I asked if you were okay. I asked if you were sure that you were going to be okay tonight. You said ,”yes, I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight”. I said goodnight and that I would talk to you tomorrow.

But I didn’t get to hear your voice the next day. I didn’t get a call from you.

Instead, at 9:15pm on Monday night, 45 minutes after I said goodnight to you, I got a call from a Prior Lake police officer asking me a series of questions about you. I quickly had a flood of emotion go through me because I knew what was going on. We’ve done this before. You were picked up outside of your treatment place by a blue van. You just walked out… why?

Why did you have to leave me again? Can you give me some answers so I can try and understand why you think running away is the answer to your problems? I know you know that there are other solutions. I know that you know pain is temporary because I’ve walked through Excelsior with you countless times with you smiling and laughing. Remember when we got Licks and you thought yours wasn’t too great, so we just went and bought another cone from The Trolly? Yeah, I agree, salted caramel rocky road whatever is definitely better.

Ashbey, I am worried about you. So is the rest of your family. My friends are too. People who don’t even know you are worried about you and care about you. I wish God could tell me where you are. Because I know right now, wherever you are, you are confused. You are lost. I know right now you may think this is your best option. This is not your best option. Running away to scary and horrible places is not the life you deserve. You care about people so much. You would take your  shirt off your back and give it to someone you thought needed it more. You make me feel better when I’m crying over a stupid boy. You tell me they suck and you want their number so you can yell at them. Now thats one damn good sister.

But, for now, can you stop worrying and caring for others and just care about yourself? 

You’re compassionate.

You’re beautiful inside and out.

You’re a great person.

You can light up a room when you walk into it with your smile and ability to talk to anyone.

You’re SMART.

You are my sister and I want to help you see your worth.

Please see what I and others see in you. Please tell me where you are so I can come get you. You could be in Alabama, Ireland, Wisconsin, anywhere and I’d find a way to be there today.

Life can be hard, but there’s always always good somewhere.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create.

I love you, Ashbey Kate.

Love,

Your big sis

6 comments on “An Open Letter to my little sister

  1. This is beautifully written Addison.

    Like

  2. Someone worried about you

    Ash – I am one of the many people who you don’t know that know you and are worried, too. Please take care of yourself and head back to your sister and your mom as quickly as you can. As an old, old person (I’m a parent), I understand the days when everything seems awful and too hard and I just wanted to get away from it all. But most everyone you will find on this journey is not there to help you. They are there to use you to dull their pain, fix their problems and run away from their lives. Don’t be used by them one second more. I hope you are reading your sisters blog, she obviously thinks you are.

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  3. Don Amorosi

    We all feel the same way about you Ashbey. You are loved and greatly valued. To me you are a ray of warm sunshine, I miss you terribly.

    Like

  4. Concerned

    Ashbey, I agree ‘someone worried about you’. I don’t you or your sister. I do see the love in her writings about you and for you. I am at a loss for words. Prayers for you. ~Cast all your cares upon Him (God/Jesus) for He cares for you~

    Like

  5. Andrew Thomas

    Addison,
    You are such a wonderful sister! As your Uncle I always want you to know that i truly LOVE YOU! I know your life has been turned upside down so so many times. Love always, Uncle Andy

    Like

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