Its Friday morning, June 17. I’m off work today and you’ve been missing for 4 days now. I think (I hope) you’re somewhere in Minnesota. I hope that place isn’t too far from home. I hope you’re not scared.
What are you feeling?
You called me Monday night to tell me counseling didn’t go too great. Family counseling is difficult, I understand you must of been feeling down and at the same time confused. You told me your arms were healing and I smiled. Because I was proud of you. Your voice was monotone throughout our one minute conversation. I was pacing back and forth in the living room right in front of the TV. I asked if you were okay. I asked if you were sure that you were going to be okay tonight. You said ,”yes, I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight”. I said goodnight and that I would talk to you tomorrow.
But I didn’t get to hear your voice the next day. I didn’t get a call from you.
Instead, at 9:15pm on Monday night, 45 minutes after I said goodnight to you, I got a call from a Prior Lake police officer asking me a series of questions about you. I quickly had a flood of emotion go through me because I knew what was going on. We’ve done this before. You were picked up outside of your treatment place by a blue van. You just walked out… why?
Why did you have to leave me again? Can you give me some answers so I can try and understand why you think running away is the answer to your problems? I know you know that there are other solutions. I know that you know pain is temporary because I’ve walked through Excelsior with you countless times with you smiling and laughing. Remember when we got Licks and you thought yours wasn’t too great, so we just went and bought another cone from The Trolly? Yeah, I agree, salted caramel rocky road whatever is definitely better.
Ashbey, I am worried about you. So is the rest of your family. My friends are too. People who don’t even know you are worried about you and care about you. I wish God could tell me where you are. Because I know right now, wherever you are, you are confused. You are lost. I know right now you may think this is your best option. This is not your best option. Running away to scary and horrible places is not the life you deserve. You care about people so much. You would take your shirt off your back and give it to someone you thought needed it more. You make me feel better when I’m crying over a stupid boy. You tell me they suck and you want their number so you can yell at them. Now thats one damn good sister.
But, for now, can you stop worrying and caring for others and just care about yourself?
You’re beautiful inside and out.
You’re a great person.
You can light up a room when you walk into it with your smile and ability to talk to anyone.
You are my sister and I want to help you see your worth.
Please see what I and others see in you. Please tell me where you are so I can come get you. You could be in Alabama, Ireland, Wisconsin, anywhere and I’d find a way to be there today.
Life can be hard, but there’s always always good somewhere.
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create.
I love you, Ashbey Kate.
Your big sis